I cannot believe I have an 8th grader now. It seems like yesterday Hannah was in Kindergarten and now she has finished her 7th grade year. One more year of middle school and off to High school she goes, then college bound. Where does the time go? It just flies by. I am trying to cherish every moment I have with my girl. Even doing mundane things like traveling between home and gymnastics or helping her with her homework or cleaning her room are little joys I am trying to relish. They are little for such a short period of time, it seems so easy to get caught up in the trappings of life, I need to slow down just a bit to remember everything about her. Remember her laugh, that she loves to watch pretty little liar marathons when she is not at gymnastics, that she is hilarious especially when she is hanging with her friends. I need to remember how fiercely protective of her mom she is and how loyal she is to her friends. I love how she always has an answer or quirky explanation for something. I love to listen to her sing to herself or play her piano when she doesn't think I am listening. I love to listen to her talk to my mother on the phone, they have the most hilarious banter back and forth. I love that she comes to me for everything, that she feels comfortable talking to me about life, or things she's confused about or just abstract things like how the world was made or even about her faith in God. I love that she loves Jesus, it fills my heart with joy that I know she can turn to him during happy and sad moments.
There was a time that I thought motherhood was illusive to me. Mike and I tried to hard for so long to have a baby. Thank God for modern medicine and our tenacity to have a child. I am so thankful that I was allowed to be her mother.
So for now, I am happy in the notion that she is still my little girl for just a little longer. She still needs me and wants to hang out with me, there is much joy in that.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Surprise! You have cancer.
Well its been a while since I posted in my blog, life and all of its craziness gets in the way it seems.
In February of 2015 I was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma, a rare uterine cancer. What a shocker! I was in the best shape of my life, feeling great! I was training for my 7th half marathon in Savannah Georgia and during the training I had to pee all of the time and had this weird pressure when I ran. I did not think much of it because I was getting close to menopause age and I was having hot flashes and all sorts of weird lady things happening. But something in the back of my brain said "maybe you should make an appointment to see your GYN" so in January 2015 I went and saw Leslie, the ARNP at my GYN office. she examined me and said "I think something is going on with you. Lets get an MRI and ultrasound done." Well the ultra sound could not find my ovaries, and it looked as if my uterus was twice the size it should be. The MRI confirmed that my ovaries were there, they were just shift back by a giant tumor the size of a foot ball on top of my uterus. My bladder had also been crushed to my right hip, which explained the reason I had to Pee all of the time. The report also read "RULE OUT LEIOMYOSARCOMA"
My OBGYN, Dr Farwick immediately sent me to UF cancer institute to see Dr Ana Preibe. What an amazing woman. She sat with my mom, husband and myself for over an hour explaining the steps we needed to take to get the tumor out. The chances of it being cancer she said was pretty low but she did not want to take any chances getting the tumor out because it was so large. She scheduled me for an open hysterectomy with a vertical incision. (I was not at all happy with that state of affairs, as I said before I was in the best shape of my life and I had my flat tummy that I had been working so hard for) So the date of surgery was set for February 23, 2015.
The day of surgery was scary and nerve wracking. The fear of the unknown I guess. I was with Mike, in the preop area when Dr Preibe and her partner came into see me. She said, "I have good news would you like to keep your uterus?" You see she had just met with the tumor board and they were all of the same thought that my tumor was an over grown fibroid and the option to keep my uterus was on the table. I immediately said, "no I don't need my uterus, I have my daughter Hannah and I am not planning on having anymore children at 47 years old." So we all agreed to keep one ovary to keep me from going into full blown menopause. Mike and I were over the moon excited, if the doctors don't think it's cancer it can't be cancer right? Off I go to surgery!
10 hours later I awake in post op. I am in a great mood, because I feel good, I am not nauseous and I have a great pedicure (which I showed off to my gurney driver who was taking me back to my room) to see my family.) It did not dawn on me at the time that it was 10 hours later, you see the surgery was only supposed to be a few hours long. When I arrived in my room there was Mike waiting for me. He had been crying, again it did not hit me that it could be anything because I was just happy to be done with surgery and glad to see my man. Remember Dr Preibe was going to let me keep my uterus last we spoke. It was not until all of the nurses and other staff left that Mike leaned in and said "Honey, I have some bad new." He was crying again, I looked in his eyes and I said "Is it Leiomyosarcoma?" and with his one word answer " YES", My whole life was tipped upside down.
It took a few days for the word CANCER to sink in. It was not until I was left alone in my hospital room for a few hours on the third day that the reality hit. I had a total and complete melt down. Crying uncontrollably and shaking until my bones hurt. Thank God for my nurse, without a word she come into my room and just sat on the bed and held me patting my back. When I sat up I apologized and she said "don't you dare apologize, I was wondering when this was going to happen?" We sat and chatted about what to do next? Did I need to talk with a therapist? Did I need to talk with a priest? How was I going to tell my daughter I had cancer? She was just the person I needed to talk to , someone completely unbiased, not related to me who could get things done quick. She helped me call my church to get my Priest, Father Tomas, to come out and pray with me and my family. She organized a therapist to come and chat with Mike and I on which direction we go to tell Hannah about the cancer and to give me information on support groups. She has no idea how much her kindness meant to me that day, the words Thank you just don't seem like enough.
After being home from the hospital for a few days, I had an appointment with Dr Preibe to go over the surgery, the biopsy results and what the next plan of action was to be. I finally got to get the catheter out (I hated that thing) and I peed just fine. My Mom, Mike and I had a great conversation with Dr Preibe. She confirmed with us that in deed I was stage 2b Leiomyosarcoma and that she had never seen a case of this type of cancer since her training in medical school. She let us know that all of the margins were clear, there was no lymph node involvement and that the cancer was incapsulated within the tumor. She said I had very few options for treatment as the cancer was so rare but at this point it did not matter because they got all of the cancer. We told her we wanted and second opinion and she insisted on getting one. She told us of Martee Hensley, MD at Sloan Kettering who was the top researcher in this cancer. She told us that she would have all of the medical records available for us whenever we were ready to see Dr Hensley. The plan was to have CT scans of my abdomen, pelvis and chest every three months for the next 5 years and to see the oncologist every three months. It was not bad news but it certainly was not great news either.
Dr Martee Hensley, in my opinion is the top of her field, she has published paper after paper on this awful disease. She knows her statistics inside and out and at the same time she is so very down to earth presenting the horrible news with hope and direction. She informed us that my cancer tested positive for both estrogen and progesterone receptors so her recommendation was to have the last ovary removed and to go on anastrozole 1 mg daily (an estrogen inhibitor) for the rest of my life. Continue with the serial CT scans and follow ups with my local oncologist. I would only need to return to see Dr Hensley if the cancer returned. I hope I never see her again.
In February of 2015 I was diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma, a rare uterine cancer. What a shocker! I was in the best shape of my life, feeling great! I was training for my 7th half marathon in Savannah Georgia and during the training I had to pee all of the time and had this weird pressure when I ran. I did not think much of it because I was getting close to menopause age and I was having hot flashes and all sorts of weird lady things happening. But something in the back of my brain said "maybe you should make an appointment to see your GYN" so in January 2015 I went and saw Leslie, the ARNP at my GYN office. she examined me and said "I think something is going on with you. Lets get an MRI and ultrasound done." Well the ultra sound could not find my ovaries, and it looked as if my uterus was twice the size it should be. The MRI confirmed that my ovaries were there, they were just shift back by a giant tumor the size of a foot ball on top of my uterus. My bladder had also been crushed to my right hip, which explained the reason I had to Pee all of the time. The report also read "RULE OUT LEIOMYOSARCOMA"
My OBGYN, Dr Farwick immediately sent me to UF cancer institute to see Dr Ana Preibe. What an amazing woman. She sat with my mom, husband and myself for over an hour explaining the steps we needed to take to get the tumor out. The chances of it being cancer she said was pretty low but she did not want to take any chances getting the tumor out because it was so large. She scheduled me for an open hysterectomy with a vertical incision. (I was not at all happy with that state of affairs, as I said before I was in the best shape of my life and I had my flat tummy that I had been working so hard for) So the date of surgery was set for February 23, 2015.
The day of surgery was scary and nerve wracking. The fear of the unknown I guess. I was with Mike, in the preop area when Dr Preibe and her partner came into see me. She said, "I have good news would you like to keep your uterus?" You see she had just met with the tumor board and they were all of the same thought that my tumor was an over grown fibroid and the option to keep my uterus was on the table. I immediately said, "no I don't need my uterus, I have my daughter Hannah and I am not planning on having anymore children at 47 years old." So we all agreed to keep one ovary to keep me from going into full blown menopause. Mike and I were over the moon excited, if the doctors don't think it's cancer it can't be cancer right? Off I go to surgery!
10 hours later I awake in post op. I am in a great mood, because I feel good, I am not nauseous and I have a great pedicure (which I showed off to my gurney driver who was taking me back to my room) to see my family.) It did not dawn on me at the time that it was 10 hours later, you see the surgery was only supposed to be a few hours long. When I arrived in my room there was Mike waiting for me. He had been crying, again it did not hit me that it could be anything because I was just happy to be done with surgery and glad to see my man. Remember Dr Preibe was going to let me keep my uterus last we spoke. It was not until all of the nurses and other staff left that Mike leaned in and said "Honey, I have some bad new." He was crying again, I looked in his eyes and I said "Is it Leiomyosarcoma?" and with his one word answer " YES", My whole life was tipped upside down.
It took a few days for the word CANCER to sink in. It was not until I was left alone in my hospital room for a few hours on the third day that the reality hit. I had a total and complete melt down. Crying uncontrollably and shaking until my bones hurt. Thank God for my nurse, without a word she come into my room and just sat on the bed and held me patting my back. When I sat up I apologized and she said "don't you dare apologize, I was wondering when this was going to happen?" We sat and chatted about what to do next? Did I need to talk with a therapist? Did I need to talk with a priest? How was I going to tell my daughter I had cancer? She was just the person I needed to talk to , someone completely unbiased, not related to me who could get things done quick. She helped me call my church to get my Priest, Father Tomas, to come out and pray with me and my family. She organized a therapist to come and chat with Mike and I on which direction we go to tell Hannah about the cancer and to give me information on support groups. She has no idea how much her kindness meant to me that day, the words Thank you just don't seem like enough.
After being home from the hospital for a few days, I had an appointment with Dr Preibe to go over the surgery, the biopsy results and what the next plan of action was to be. I finally got to get the catheter out (I hated that thing) and I peed just fine. My Mom, Mike and I had a great conversation with Dr Preibe. She confirmed with us that in deed I was stage 2b Leiomyosarcoma and that she had never seen a case of this type of cancer since her training in medical school. She let us know that all of the margins were clear, there was no lymph node involvement and that the cancer was incapsulated within the tumor. She said I had very few options for treatment as the cancer was so rare but at this point it did not matter because they got all of the cancer. We told her we wanted and second opinion and she insisted on getting one. She told us of Martee Hensley, MD at Sloan Kettering who was the top researcher in this cancer. She told us that she would have all of the medical records available for us whenever we were ready to see Dr Hensley. The plan was to have CT scans of my abdomen, pelvis and chest every three months for the next 5 years and to see the oncologist every three months. It was not bad news but it certainly was not great news either.
Dr Martee Hensley, in my opinion is the top of her field, she has published paper after paper on this awful disease. She knows her statistics inside and out and at the same time she is so very down to earth presenting the horrible news with hope and direction. She informed us that my cancer tested positive for both estrogen and progesterone receptors so her recommendation was to have the last ovary removed and to go on anastrozole 1 mg daily (an estrogen inhibitor) for the rest of my life. Continue with the serial CT scans and follow ups with my local oncologist. I would only need to return to see Dr Hensley if the cancer returned. I hope I never see her again.
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